Silence

Quick Blog Post. 

Since my last blog, I've noticed that things have been "silent." I haven't had any huge epiphanies. I haven't written in my book. I haven't had any miracle moments. 


I've struggled with my marathon training. I've struggled with being inspired.


But, suddenly, in that silence I found what I was looking for today. I also found tears and a complete chapter in my book. 


All I want you to know is this: 


God is working in the silence. 


If you don't believe me, read the book of Job. Note Chapter 1-37 and then Chapter 38. 


He is there. He is working in your life. He is giving you answers. Are you listening in the midst of that silence? 

I Love You, Lord

Many years ago, at a very young age, when life was dark, sad, empty and confusing I would sit and listen to music over and over. One of those songs was called "I Love You, Lord" with very simple, yet powerful lyrics: 

I love you, Lord 
And I lift my voice 
To worship You 
Oh, my soul rejoice! 
Take joy my King 
In what You hear 
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

I would literally cry out these words while listening and hoped that someday my words, my actions, and my thoughts would be a "sweet sound" to Him. 

---------------

Fast forward to Sunday. 

Jason was on-call, so while he was out doing rounds, I was home watching and listening to Elevate Life Church knowing that ,as always, it would speak to me. 

What I didn't expect was for the melody of "I Love You, Lord" to begin playing before the actual sermon. All I could do was sit there, listen, sing and pray. 

A few hours later I was at the track running my long run. If you haven't read about my marathon training(click here), you should catch up (start around Dec 4th). It's not about losing weight. It's about discipline of self and spirit. 

See, I know/knew that I could never get to a place mentally or spiritually to finish my book unless I started giving up some things. The book. You know, the one that has been in progress for years? 

So, I knew immediately when my friend, Becca, texted me and asked me to do the marathon that I had to say yes. I knew it was a door of opportunity to get me from point A to point B. (or C, or D) :) I knew that her text was really sent by God. My story, HIS story needs to be told. 

What I didn't know was how powerful that discipline and time with God would be already. 

On that long Sunday run, God and I had a long discussion. I admitted to him a lot. I cannot do life without him. I cannot do this book without HIS words. I cannot and have not done anything in life without him - ever. 

I prayed the same prayer I've prayed for years: 

Speak through me. Love through me. Give through me. Teach through me. Be in my thoughts, words, and actions. Use me in whatever way YOU need. I surrender. 

Something different happened that day, though. I can't say what exactly. 

-------------------

Monday

Not once, not twice, but THREE times I had THREE different people stop in my office. 

All THREE conversations had a theme, the same theme - "Do not worry. He is in EVERYTHING. He cares."

What's great about all three of those conversations isn't the coincidence of the number 3 (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), but more so the theme of each conversation and what I got out of each one.  

My book is about my brother's death, my family's struggle through that, my lesson that gratitude through anything can take you higher. I thought all of those were my themes. 

However, I'm pretty sure that another big theme is this: "God was there the moment I saw my brother for the last time. God was there the moment I knew I needed to grab him back inside. God was there when he fell. God was there when we cried. God was there. God was there. God was there." 

---------------

Tuesday

We woke up later than ever. It was a typical morning, though. Breakfast, hair, clothes, more hair, and then out the door. 

I had a busy day at work. There wasn't much time to think or reflect. I had one great conversation that stood out. 

It was rainy and cold. I had a run planned. I left at 5:45. My foot was slightly injured, but I went anyway. 

Press on! I told myself

30 minutes later I knew I needed to stop and rest my foot or I wouldn't be able to walk. 

As I walked myself off the track, I cried and cried. My run tonight was frustrating. I felt defeated. I had dinner, I showered, and was in bed by 8:30. 

--------------TEXT MESSAGE-----------

Me: Sorry I missed your call. Went running. Now in bed. 

Shelsea: Ur birthday present place (click here for that blog post) called me today. I guess I was the only one that put a phone # on my donation. They wanted to talk to you. 

Me: Really?! Did they say why? 

Shelsea: I didn't want to give them your number so I gave them your address and your blog. 

Me: Wow

Shelsea: They were so grateful. They wanted to interview you and present you with something. 

Me: No way! 

Shelsea: They asked me who you were and why I made the donation in your name. 

Me: That's AWESOME! 

Shelsea: I told them to check the dates Dec 4-6 and see if there was an increase in donations those days and she confirmed that there were....

Me: I'm in TEARS! Wow! 

Shelsea: I was in tears. She asked how I knew you and why you chose this as your bday gift. I told her (didn't think you'd mind)

Me: Thank you so much for sharing this! 

Shelsea: No thank you! It was the best call & birthday gift I've ever given - to know that I have helped someone else. 

----------------

Thank YOU

Thank you to every single one of you that donated to a charity (specifically Hope Cottage) in my name for my 35th birthday. You have made a difference in a life. You have given of yourself. You have changed the world and that, my friends, is what we are CALLED to do. 

A Father's Love

No. It's not Father's Day. Not even close, actually. However, this topic came up over the past week in my life. 

Without going into much detail in order to protect those involved, I will only say that dad's seem to have a very important role in our lives whether we were adopted, taken care of my a grandparent, have two dads, none, or had someone step up to the role when no one else would. 

I've often said in this blog - "God will put in your life the things you need at the exact right time." I absolutely without a doubt believe that includes people. 

More often than not, I can look back on my own life and see where God planted people in my life to give me what I was not getting from those who were directly responsible. 

I think this is a fascinating thought. 

God will give us what we need, when we need, and who we need.

Now, I know there are people out who would beg to differ or debate with me and that's ok, too. 

Always drawing from my own experience, I have seen this thought in action. 

Being adopted, God immediately stepped in and gave me what I needed - who I needed. 

And then there was a time in my life as I grew older that I would need someone to mentor me, someone to teach me normal behaviors, real unconditional, non-judgemental love. 

Here are some more examples of ways that God worked in the lives of some of my close friends: 

"From the time i was born until i was 17 my grandpa was my dad. I have never known what it's like to have an actual dad so i've never been sad or mad about it, it's just the way my life has always been. But my Grandpa was the most incredible man I have ever known. It didn't matter how bad I screwed up he was always on my side. I could talk to him about anything and he would give the best advice he could. He taught me about sports, made sure I had a basketball, football, soccer ball, etc." ~Tami

"My step-dad is the best man in the world. I never refer to him as that (step-dad), but I don't call him dad in conversation, either. I call him by his name, David. I have a wonderful father that I call "dad," but that doesn't mean that I don't absolutely adore David. He has loved and supported me over 20 years and I'm by far the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life." ~Melissa

"My dad showed me that a true father always puts his child first no matter how old they get. He showed me that there is no other love like the love of a father. The bond between a daddy and his little girl is the strongest bond ever! A bond that no one or nothing can break or come between. He was and always will be my hero!" ~Stormy

"I had a step dad who I loved dearly and thought of him as my dad. But he and my mom were only married a month to the day when he died in a car accident. It has forever affected me, in the short time I knew him, he just meant the world to me and I was devasted when he died. I was just 8 years old. Even though my dad was in my life and saw him several times a year, there's lots of issues with him. I can't change it, he's still my dad and I still talk to him and love him. But my stepdad was much more of an actual father than my real dad was, even though it was just a short time." ~Ashli

I love the different perspectives from the stories above because it reflects all the different ways a "dad" can affect our lives. Some dad's are also grandpas, some are step-dads, and often times some are just a close family friend. 

They don't have to be our real dad to make a difference. 

We can call them whatever we we feel, but the truth is their role in our lives will set the tone for us for the rest of our lives. 

Expect Great Things, Attempt Great Things

Has someone ever told you that you couldn't? 

Have you ever told yourself "I can't?" 

Have you ever done something you never thought you could? 

I can give you one example for every year of my life of something that either someone told me I couldn't do or something I told myself I couldn't do. 

For several years, I've set goals in front of me that I've never done before. For the most part, I've met them all. Some are still in progress, but I'm ok with that. Aren't we all still in progress? 

This past holiday break, I began listening to Candace Cameron Bure's Reshaping It All. Yes, you read that right - Candance Cameron aka DJ Tanner. 

Like many influential verses, books, and movies, her book continued to pop up around me (twitter, internet, mom's boards, magazines). 

I take these "pop ups" to mean more than coincidence. (check out SQuire Rushnell's Godwinks series). 

So, with a giftcard from a special friend, I downloaded the audio version of Reshaping It All. 

On Friday, December 16th, I began listening to what would start changing my thinking and start reshaping my spirit all over again. 

Lord knows, I needed it after the prior 6 weeks. 

As I began listening, I began working out while listening. Her voice is just as motivating as her words. Everything she was saying was making sense. 

From chapter 1-19 something incredible happened to me. I began to look back over my life and see the exact points where I was spiritually sound and balanced and where I wasn't. When I wasn't, I seemed to always be in a struggle with my weight. 

She gave childhood scenarios and they seemed to almost mimic my own. 

As a I did jumping jacks, push ups, and ran, several "truths" began to unfold before me. 

1. If someone wasn't putting me down on a daily basis, I'd do that myself. 

2. Food was always used as a comfort when I didn't know what to do with emotions. 

3. Excuses for bad eating were ok because that is what I was taught. 

4. Saying no to desserts or food was "rude." 

5. Working out after a baby had no point. Nothing was happening anyway. 

I began to look at these "truths" in a new light. I listened earnestly to what Candace was saying and really began to see what I'd been doing to myself. 

So, I began training. I worked out at least once a day. I kept track of my food, snacks, and activity with a simple phone app. 

If you know me, you know I'm conscious in being in the moment & in being grateful, but I realized that I was not being conscious of what I was eating, how I was caring for my body or how my spirit was creating a plateau I'd never break. 

So for 2 weeks I trained, ate clean, became conscious of how to be disciplined in my spirit, mind, and body. I knew that in order to live out goals I've had for years, I would have to train all 3 parts of my being or I could never see those goals to the finish line. 

I had no idea what I was training for specifically, but I continued. I felt better already. 

Then, after 2 weeks, I got a text from a friend. "Hey, there's a marathon in Dallas in March. We should do it!" 

Uh. No. YOU should do it. I'll cheer. 

Something led me to this website and I began to read. 

Well, it looks fun. But there's no way. 1/2? 13 miles? I couldn't run 13 miles even at my peak fitness. I can't. 

As I continued to ponder on the thought above, I realized that I was telling myself "You can't." 

WHAT?!?!

I'm the person that will not let anyone - ANYONE- tell me I can't. My life story has a theme and this was it - I CAN. 

So, I texted her back. "YES! I will!" 

OMG. What did you just do? You will?! How?! What are you thinking? You can't even run 5 miles w/out stopping. Well, you can't back out now. You spoke it and so it will be. *knock*knock* You ARE crazy, huh? 

I immediately downloaded an app to help me and came up with a plan for training, eating and support. 

This isn't about losing weight or being skinny. This is about dedication, discipline, and faith. 

Why did I say yes? I decided that I have the power to do this - WE have the power to do this.

I'm doing this for YOU. 

I'm doing it for all of those who physically can't. 

I'm doing it for those who tell themselves they can't and settle. 

I'm doing it for my kids, my husband, my friends, myself and my God. 

I'm here to love. 

I'm here to serve. 

I'm here to inspire. 

I'm here to live out and tell my truth. 

Tisha (me) will do a 1/2 marathon in March. Tisha will FINISH a 1/2 marathon in March. 

Tisha can DO whatever she sets her mind to do-Always in all ways. The biggest step is the first step. 

"A man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." ~ Psalm 37:23

Rise in 2012

As you move into 2012 and set your sights on new goals and dreams, remember the following: 


Anything is possible with enough enthusiasm and positivity. ~The Single Woman


1. The greatest people in history failed time and again, but their determination is what pushed them to success. 


2. Believe in yourself, commit to working hard, don't allow for any excuses or blame. 


3. Decide to turn all negatives into positives. ALL negatives -->POSITIVES. 


4. Only you can save your own life. Don't take your eyes off of your goal. 

Stronger

In the past month, I've been reminded of lessons that I've learned in the past. Mostly from people from my past. A few of those encounters did a number on my mind and emotion. So much so that I have not been myself. 

I've felt much like I was on a balance beam swaying back and forth and grasping at the air around me to find some sort of balance. 

That's not who I am. 

I am strong. I'm so strong that people typically don't have that power over me. 

However, the recent turn of events were more extreme than I'd expected. I hadn't prepared for it. 

There was a time in my life when I had to pull out every ounce of strength to get through to the other side. I had focus, I had strength, I had discipline, and I had the motivation. 

Looking back, I realize I was way stronger than I ever saw myself. 

The past month was difficult because I was allowing myself to be in that place of unbalance. I knew what it was and I knew what caused it. I also knew perfectly well that in order to get past it, I would have to sit with it for a time. 

Slowly, I've brought myself back. Though, I'm still not satisfied that I've disciplined myself enough to forget the hurt I felt.

Another quick encounter where I caught another glimpse of the way I used to be treated has reminded me that I need to get past that hurt. 

Getting past it allows me to move forward. 

Getting past it allows me to pursue dreams. 

Getting past it allows me to be a better wife/mom. 

Getting past it allows me to be STRONGER than ever. 

But...

but...

BUT .........

I cannot forget what it taught me for those lessons are worth more money than I could ever make. 

Forgetting that is not something I can do, because forgetting those lessons will make me also forget.....

I am stronger  than your words. 

I am stronger  than the power trip you're on. 

I  am stronger  than the small person you'd like me to feel I am. 

I am stronger and I am able to move past what you give me. 

I am stronger than I even know. 

We can all be strong enough when we have to be. 

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." 

ALERT! You ARE special, but not THAT special.

This week's lessons were full and never-ending. :) 


Someone sent this to me via email and I loved it so much I thought it needed to have it's own blog post. 


The people who NEED to read this and soak it in are often the ones who genuinely think it doesn't apply to them. 


I caught a few seconds of entertainment news this week and heard the reporter telling about Alec Baldwin being thrown off a plane because he wouldn't turn off his iPad when the stewardess asked him to. 


Do you have anyone in your life (home, work or otherwise) that should be wearing this t-shirt? 


How do you handle your encounters with them? 


I have a few people I see often that are wearing this shirt in my mind. :) Some days I can take it all with a grain of salt, other days I have to call someone to come with a cape and talk me off the ledge. Seriously.


The truth? They won't even start to change if you say nothing. You'll have to find the right words and rehearse them before you say them. 


I often think of a phrase before I even get to work and repeat it to myself all morning so that I will have the words when the moment comes. I promise this works! You just have to be disciplined enough to do it. 


This week I actually told someone in front of an audience, "Why didn't you plan ahead and ask me during one of the 8 hrs I was in my office working to help you set up?" 


Oops! I don't usually call people out like that but it seems to be an ongoing occurrence with certain people. 


I think we all  have a little "the world revolves around me" in us, don't you agree? 


It takes conscious thought and reminding every day to remember that you ARE special, but that you not special enough to not have to follow certain rules and procedures. 


Keep yourself humble this week. 


xoxo